Starting a conversation with children about mental health can be difficult for most parents. This may be because they lack confidence about how to open up to discuss this topic, or because they don’t feel equipped with the information that they think is needed to encompass the subject properly, fearing they might say something ‘wrong’.
This is pretty common, as talking isn’t always easy, especially when it comes to mental health, a topic that used to hold a stigma in society for many decades. As parents and educators who care about our children, we have to understand that offering opportunities for sharing what we’re going through and feeling heard is crucial for everyone. It certainly can make a difference if a person is struggling.
So even if you don’t know where to start, you must learn how to communicate with your child about the spectrum of emotions that people can experience. And we mustn’t add a negative connotation to feeling these emotions, as they are natural and valid; but we do have to emphasize that, in our lives, our well-being should be a priority.
Discussing mental health with children is crucial for nurturing resilience, empathy, and a lifelong understanding of emotional well-being. Kids are often more intuitive than we realize, so offering them tools to understand mental health can empower them to manage their emotions, recognize when they need help, and empathize with others. Here’s a guide to approaching this topic with clarity and sensitivity.
1. Start the conversation by explaining what mental health is and why it matters
To explain mental health, start with straightforward definitions. Mental health can be described as how we think, feel, and handle challenges. You might say, “Just like we take care of our bodies by eating well and exercising, we need to take care of our minds. This helps us feel happy, calm, and ready to handle whatever comes our way.” Framing mental health as part of a whole-body approach makes it relatable and easier to understand.
You can also explain that, just like catching a cold, sometimes our minds can feel unwell. This normalizes mental health issues and reduces any associated stigma.
2. Make analogies to describe concepts and use a simple language
Tailoring the conversation to their age helps children better understand. For younger kids, use metaphors or comparisons they can grasp. For example, say, “Feelings are like clouds—they come and go.” This helps children see emotions as temporary and manageable. Older kids may understand a bit more about stress or sadness, so you can discuss these feelings with them: the feeling of being nervous before a test or feeling sad after a disagreement with a friend.
You can also share that everyone feels a range of emotions: happiness, sadness, anger, worry; and that’s completely normal. This reassures them that they’re not alone in experiencing these feelings.
3. Use stories, books, and relatable examples
Children often relate well to stories, so consider reading books with characters who experience different emotions or mental health challenges. Movies like Inside Out or books featuring characters facing fears or sadness help children see that everyone feels a range of emotions, and that it’s okay to seek help.
We highly recommend books that talk about embracing this wide spectrum of emotions that people go through, as they are part of life. Seeing these emotions as valid is important so that no one feels out of place or that what they are feeling is wrong and should be avoided or concealed.
A book that talks about this beautifully is The emptiness (El vacío), written by the art therapist, Anna Llenas. This book talks about the emptiness that often appears in people’s lives when experiencing sadness and grief, and how this emptiness can become a driving force for creativity, as well as help us better understand ourselves and others. The author expresses these ideas through warm words and colorful illustrations, making it a great option to explore with children.
4. Encourage them to open up about their emotions
Create a safe environment where discussing emotions feels safe and normal. Let your child know they can talk to you at anytime, whether they feel happy, sad, or confused. Ask open-ended questions like, “How was your day? Did anything make you feel excited, or maybe a bit upset?” This allows them to practice identifying and sharing their emotions without feeling judged.
It’s also helpful to validate their feelings by responding with empathy. If your child says they’re upset, you might reply, “That sounds really tough. Thank you for telling me.” This reinforces the notion that their feelings are valid, regardless of what they are. Avoid telling them they shouldn’t feel a certain way, but rather try to navigate the complexity of these emotions with them, while helping them find ways to recover their calm.
5. Explain mental health challenges gently
When children reach an age where they can understand mental health challenges like anxiety or sadness, introduce these topics carefully. You might say, “Sometimes, people feel sad or worried for a long time, even when nothing seems wrong. This doesn’t mean they are weak or bad; it just means they need some extra help.” This reinforces that mental health issues don’t define a person and that everyone experiences tough times.
If your child knows someone with a mental health condition, it can be helpful to explain that mental health, like physical health, sometimes requires special care. Encourage them to treat others with kindness and understanding, as they would if someone had a physical illness.
6. Make sure they know that experiencing mental health difficulties is not their fault
Many children with mental health issues often feel that they are to blame for their condition and that they are reduced to being tagged after those particular emotions: that they are an unchangeable feature of their identity. Misinformation often leads to thinking this way and they may hear it from other people, so it is important that you reinforce the idea that there is nothing wrong with them as a person and that it is common to face difficulties about the way we feel and experience the world. Emphasize their strengths so they can see a broader picture of what they represent as individuals beyond this one aspect of their lives.
7. Be open to dialogue with your kid as a valid partner
Let your child know that talking about feelings is not only okay but encouraged. Establish a routine of checking in with each other. Ask, “What was the best part of your day?” or “Did anything make you feel upset today?” Regular conversations about emotions can prevent feelings from becoming bottled up, and your child will learn that discussing feelings is a natural part of life. This also promises to help you to improve your relationship with your kid.
Reassure them that no feeling is “wrong” or “bad” since even difficult emotions serve a purpose in life. You can also encourage creative self-expression: drawing, journaling, or playing music are nice ways for kids to channel their emotions. Explain to them that these practices are a good way to feel better when we feel overwhelmed and that they help us turn those uncomfortable emotions into something productive and creative.
8. Be patient if your child doesn’t want to talk
If your kid doesn’t want to talk, be patient and reassure them they can come whenever they are ready. Show support by telling them you’re there for them and always will be. Phrases like “I can do my best to help, even if I don’t understand, be sure that I want to”. Make them feel like they matter and that you are in this together as a family.
You can also suggest your child to talk to another person about it, a cherished person of their choice. Don’t feel bad if they prefer to talk to someone else, the most important thing is that they don’t want to keep what worries them to themselves and that they want to express it.
9. Normalize seeking help
Explain that if we ever feel sad, worried, or “off” for a long time, we can always ask for help. Talking to a therapist or counselor is like seeing a doctor when we’re sick. Therapy or counseling can provide tools to help manage emotions and make them feel better.
Share examples of people who have benefited from talking to a mental health professional if appropriate. You could also mention that teachers, doctors, and trusted adults are there to support them when needed.
At ISP, we provide our students with social-emotional support as we have 8 counselors on our staff who seek, together with the rest of the school community, to contribute to ensuring the well-being of our children. We care about creating safe spaces where the integral well-being of our students is at the top of our priorities. We are willing to offer our support to any child in our institution who might need it, treating every different case and situation with empathy and human warmth.
10. Emphasize self-care and community support
Remind your child that caring for their mental health is as important as caring for their physical health, as one affects the other. Encourage healthy sleep habits, nutritious food, physical activity and personal autonomy as ways to support mental well-being.
Wrap up by emphasizing that they are not alone and that you, along with other trusted people, are there to help. Teach them that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness and that everyone needs support from time to time.
Explaining mental health to children doesn’t have to be daunting. If you foster an open, supportive environment, it will be easier for your child to have tools that will serve them well throughout life.
Finally, remember to follow the advice given to you by people with more specialized training on the subject, such as those in our institution who are thoroughly knowledgeable about these issues. And rest assured that you and your family are not alone, we are all a community.
